I write. I enjoy it. I’ve written a 165,000 word story that was very well received in the circles it traveled in. I’ve written other stories. When people ask me what I am, who I am, my first instinct is to say ‘I’m a writer!’. Yes, sure you are. Just like three-quarters of the world, you’re a writer.
So, you’d think that I’d have been spending this last week off work writing, then, wouldn’t you? Ah, but there’s where you’d be wrong. I’ve done everything I can NOT to write; talked about writing, planned to write, organized my writing area, customized my writing tools, talked about plotting (different than talking about writing, I swear) and now I’m blogging about it. Anything possible to actually avoid writing itself.
Why? Because I’m working on a Big Story.
It’s not some toss off (heh) short story. Its one I’ve been thinking about, working on, for years. I’m finally wrapping my brain around what I’m actually doing in the story… and now I’m scared witless.
While I do tend to write with adult themes, most of the stories I’ve written are light. Not light-hearted, but… shallow. Dealing with only one group of people, or, even more often, one person. Maybe even one person and one event.
Not this one. This story is much larger than any other. Whole nations, even entire empires, have to be accounted for. I have to re-write history, to an extent. Without Steve, I wouldn’t have even been able to plan it this far out. He’s my sounding board, inspirational fount, and angst sponge. I’m using my friend Cole to tackle the more sticky science stuff. He’s smarter than I am by a bunch. I’m sure that I’ll be bouncing this off of all of my friends sooner or later, and they’ll sigh and shake their heads while getting out their collective red pen and marking up what I’ve written. And I’ll sigh, and be resentful (and relieved) when they make me slice off unneeded parts of the story and go back and write things I dodged. I’ll hate them and love them and my fingers will bleed.
But before any of that can happen, I have to start writing. And I can’t seem to. I have all these stupid questions, doubts, clogging up my mind. In two days my ten day break will be up, and I’ve not written one god damn word on this thing.
I’m frustrated. A lot. 😦
Who knew a hard science realistic Steampunk erotica novel could be so darn hard?